Saturday, January 22, 2005
Sometimes things happen for reasons we'll never know. Why did I publicaly ask your advice on the issue of telling Jonathan about Austin, subconciusly knowing one day his internet would be hooked up and he may read it? Who knows. but it happened to be a matter of hours after I typed it that his internet got hooked up and one of the first things he looked at was my blog. Why? He used to read it about once every 2 or 3 months...but he chose to read it the exact day I wrote a full paragraph about feeling the need to tell him. "isnt ironic, dont ya think"
But it all turned out well. We talked about it for a little while and I explained that I wanted to tell him but its weird to call and say "i like someone"...and it isnt as if Austin and I are dating, cause he's half-way around the world. He read about the flowers too, so he asked if we plan on dating...and I said yes. We talked about it for a short while and we closed with him saying "I'm not mad you didnt tell me, and I'm glad that you finally did." I know, and he knows, it is an akward conversation for both of us and I know that regardless of the lack of romantic feelings either of us have for the other, it is always hard to hear that your ex of a cumulative 3 years is dating someone new. Trust ME. But its done, and now I dont feel as though we talk daily and I am keeping a secret.
Austin and I talked about it too. I told him Jonathan knew and that we had talked about it some, and he was pretty supportive too. He has been teh whole time...knowing I hadnt told Jonathan and not knowing when I would. I'm glad he was in a similar situation because he understood that my NOT telling Jonathan didnt automatically imply any remaining feelings or hopes for a future. (as some people did) He told me that he told his on-again-off-again girlfriend a while ago and she was not as understanding or pleased as Jonathan was. THen again, they have never been friends...only on or off boyfriend/girlfriend. SO I imagine its even harder to hear that your boyfriend who you know only how to be his girlfriend is dating someone new. Well, again I say...not DATING...but hoping to in the not so distant (keep your fingers crossed) future. We talked online for like 3 hours! Maybe a little less, cant remember. I was so tired when he got offline that I fell asleep before my head hit the pillows I think. But it was so good to have a semi-conversation instead of back and forth emails. We had a contest on who has it more unfair in life right now, and I won. :) I always win. (though he may tell you different) We argued with random things and he tried to win with "while the girl I want to be with is halfway around the world having the time of her life, I'm in a sandbox the size of a few states" But it ended with me saying "while I am here, almost having the time of my life but wishing I could be with the guy who fills my thoughts, he is in iraq by CHOICE and would go back 2 days after coming home if he had the chance" He tried to come back with "I waited for a girl for years and she didnt come my way until I was in Iraq" but I said it doesnt count as waiting if a.) you tried (unsuccessfully) to date other people, and b.) you never told her you still had feelings. I should definitely look into law school. Right after I find me a sugar daddy.
Well, I am off to babysit with Jennie, then the swim meet (which I had to convince Austin had NOTHING to do with my seeing them and talking to them in Hawaii), then a basketball game, then more babysitting then...cross your fingers...talking to Austin again online if it all works out. 9 hour time differences suck. Sorry this whole blog was about Jonathan and Austin...it was consuming my mind for a while and I'm so glad its finally over. Bush has been inaugurated (WHOOOP) so our war is far from over, just as it should be, and our troops need our prayers and support. Plus my heart is with one of them, so lets all hope and pray for a safe return. Have a wonderful weekend, dont do too much homework, and I'll try to blog about the rest of my night last night (free of Austin talk i promise) later on. bye!
But it all turned out well. We talked about it for a little while and I explained that I wanted to tell him but its weird to call and say "i like someone"...and it isnt as if Austin and I are dating, cause he's half-way around the world. He read about the flowers too, so he asked if we plan on dating...and I said yes. We talked about it for a short while and we closed with him saying "I'm not mad you didnt tell me, and I'm glad that you finally did." I know, and he knows, it is an akward conversation for both of us and I know that regardless of the lack of romantic feelings either of us have for the other, it is always hard to hear that your ex of a cumulative 3 years is dating someone new. Trust ME. But its done, and now I dont feel as though we talk daily and I am keeping a secret.
Austin and I talked about it too. I told him Jonathan knew and that we had talked about it some, and he was pretty supportive too. He has been teh whole time...knowing I hadnt told Jonathan and not knowing when I would. I'm glad he was in a similar situation because he understood that my NOT telling Jonathan didnt automatically imply any remaining feelings or hopes for a future. (as some people did) He told me that he told his on-again-off-again girlfriend a while ago and she was not as understanding or pleased as Jonathan was. THen again, they have never been friends...only on or off boyfriend/girlfriend. SO I imagine its even harder to hear that your boyfriend who you know only how to be his girlfriend is dating someone new. Well, again I say...not DATING...but hoping to in the not so distant (keep your fingers crossed) future. We talked online for like 3 hours! Maybe a little less, cant remember. I was so tired when he got offline that I fell asleep before my head hit the pillows I think. But it was so good to have a semi-conversation instead of back and forth emails. We had a contest on who has it more unfair in life right now, and I won. :) I always win. (though he may tell you different) We argued with random things and he tried to win with "while the girl I want to be with is halfway around the world having the time of her life, I'm in a sandbox the size of a few states" But it ended with me saying "while I am here, almost having the time of my life but wishing I could be with the guy who fills my thoughts, he is in iraq by CHOICE and would go back 2 days after coming home if he had the chance" He tried to come back with "I waited for a girl for years and she didnt come my way until I was in Iraq" but I said it doesnt count as waiting if a.) you tried (unsuccessfully) to date other people, and b.) you never told her you still had feelings. I should definitely look into law school. Right after I find me a sugar daddy.
Well, I am off to babysit with Jennie, then the swim meet (which I had to convince Austin had NOTHING to do with my seeing them and talking to them in Hawaii), then a basketball game, then more babysitting then...cross your fingers...talking to Austin again online if it all works out. 9 hour time differences suck. Sorry this whole blog was about Jonathan and Austin...it was consuming my mind for a while and I'm so glad its finally over. Bush has been inaugurated (WHOOOP) so our war is far from over, just as it should be, and our troops need our prayers and support. Plus my heart is with one of them, so lets all hope and pray for a safe return. Have a wonderful weekend, dont do too much homework, and I'll try to blog about the rest of my night last night (free of Austin talk i promise) later on. bye!
Comments:
Post a Comment
